Thankful

I actually have no idea what I'm going to write about today. I just kind of had a goal of writing once more before the month ended. I could write about so many things. Our life these past couple of weeks has been crazy, but blessed. I just feel overwhelmingly thankful right now.

I am thankful that...

My husband and I have been taking a class at another church for a few weeks now. The class is called Wired in that it discusses how each individual is "wired" or made up. On the first day of class we took personality tests, then we had to read about our personality, and then the instructor discusses strengths, weaknesses, and how each personality relates to serving God. It's really a neat class.  But, as neat as it is, it is not really my husband's cup of tea. He has enjoyed learning about the different personalities, but still, not his cup of tea.  So, in this I am thankful that I have a husband who is willing to explore life with me on both our terms.

For those who do not know, I am a PK (preacher's kid). I have attended the same church since my father started pastoring there over 27 years ago. Going from a kid that everyone has watched grow up to a member of that same congregation is not an easy task.  But, I am so thankful that I have a great church family. They love me, they support us, they show genuine concern for my family. The transition was an easy one for me because of my church family. I cannot even begin to name the ways they have blessed me. So, in this I am thankful for a church family that I can actually call family.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling THE GUILT.  You Moms know it. It creeps up when you least expect it, challenging everything you thought you knew as a Mom. How do I know I'm being a good Mom?  How do I know I'm giving my children what they need?  Do I yell too much?  Do they get enough sleep? Etc., etc. Oh yeah, the Mommy Guilt has been showing up in all sorts of areas around my household lately.  It has not been easy to feel confident in my motherly skills lately, especially having 4 children who are all so very different with very different needs.  And the teacher told me the other day that my oldest daughter, Destiny, has been having "Mommyitis" where she tries to get them to call me so that I can pick her up or she asks for me All. Day. So in this, I am thankful that the Lord only gives us one day at a time. :) He knows I can't handle much more than that.

In this strange world of Chromosome 18, one can often feel as though they are stranded on an island. And I'm not talking about the island with the palm trees swaying lightly in the breeze with cabana boys that bring you drinks with fruit while you lie in hammocks and someone fans you with leaves while someone else feeds you grapes. No. Not that island. I'm talking about the Cast Away island like poor Tom Hanks was stranded on for months (BTW, I cry every single time when he loses Wilson). Yeah. That island.  Only its not a deserted island. Its an island full of fun, happy people who get to leave the island and insist on coming back only to tell you of the wonderful tales they've had while away. That's when they've made it clear that they are simply visiting you at your island and they have no intention of staying. So, because of this, I am very thankful for the Internet. Through the Internet I have been able to connect with so many wonderful people.  I just found The Registry's Facebook page this past week and I am so thankful. It helps to take the focus off of me and lets me know that I am not alone. I am also thankful for the many wonderful blogs I have come across. Though, for me the blogs can be intimidating, I am still very thankful for them. While reading them, I am constantly thinking, "How did they know that's what I needed to read this week?"  I can't imagine what this journey would be like without them and I'm glad I don't have to imagine.

Back to Reality

I have a unique life. And don’t get me wrong, I love unique. I love that God made us all so different that on this planet of billions, not one person is alike.  I even love diversity, coming from a small town it was my favorite thing about college.  I’ve always felt quite different, but I SO love that about myself now. But there are days. There are days that I would love to just be. Not to be the mom, the wife, the school psychologist; just be. Not to have people look at me with sad eyes and say, “How’s Kennedy?”  Or a day when people don’t say, “You have 4 kids? I don’t know how you do it.”[insert pity face here] Sheesh! Don’t get me wrong, I love all five of my lovelies. They brighten my life and I wouldn’t want a life without any one of them in it. But just a break from the norm every now and then can be awesome.  I recently got a glimpse of a day like that. I got to celebrate a grad school friend’s birthday with her and some friends.  We laughed, shared old memories, and celebrated new ones. It was pretty great. Here are just a few pics…

But, now I’m back. In reality. Back to being mom, wife, school psychologist--me.  And after a brief break, I realize how much I SO love all of those titles. Wouldn’t be me without them. I can forget that from time to time. I can ignore that from time to time.  But I am so thankful that I have people that help me remember.

Bein' Green

Love this song. Just thought I'd share.

You'd love her anyway

In response to some of the well-meaning, silly things people say when you have a child with a disability, I left this comment on a fellow-mom's Blog the other day: 

I tend to believe the quote: "God doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called."  We're not special, but we're willing, and that's a big deal to God. I was listening to a lady's testimony that had a difficult time getting pregnant and then she FINALLY did, and the baby was born with many, many birth defects and died days later.  In her frustration she asked God "Why?" and she said the answer came, "Because I knew you would love her anyway." That's been more than 10 years ago, but it stuck with me and now I know why.  So, when I'm feeling particularly frustrated and asking God "Why?" I think, "Because He knew I'd love her anyway." He also knew my weaknesses and failures would cause me to run TO Him and not FROM Him and He can't say that for everyone. 

I was thinking about the often OVERUSED quote, "God won't put more on you than you can bear."  It's a quote that's used many times with things that God never put on us.  The loving God I know doesn't go around "putting" things on people, trying to see who can bear the most.  I've thought many times about what that quote means.  As a younger Christian I thought it simply meant, God won't put too much on you. But then I began to think, what is too much? If it were up to us to decide what "too much" meant, we would've cried Uncle! a long time ago.  Does "too much" mean, he won't let it kill you?  I'm sorry folks, but barely living is not good enough for me.  It's not what my life was meant to be about. 


As a more experienced Christian I am inclined to think it means, God will allow you to bear just enough that you will gain wisdom, strength, and the knowledge that you need Him.  I don't despise anything that I've been through because ultimately, it has taught me to cry out to Him more than any pulpit message could ever do.  And your "cry out" point is not necessarily my "cry out" point---Oh, I had a difficult time with this at first. I had a difficult time understanding why it seemed some people got to breeze through live obliviously while others were forced to stumble? I had to let this line of questioning go because I finally learned that some things are beyond human understanding.  Some things aren't even intended for human understanding.  Another lesson I learned was that you don't want to EV-ER try to walk in another man's shoes. Comparing yourself to others will lead you nowhere.  Nobody has their version of easy, because, like I said before, every person's cry out point is different.  Some of the same people that say things to me like, "I don't know how you do it", I look at those people's lives and think the very same thing.  Besides, everything that glitters ain't gold.


I believe He will allow us to go through things that are meant to strengthen our muscles, while drawing us close to Him at the same time.  Unused muscles don't get stronger right?  It's the same in the spiritual sense as well.  We have to know that it is "not by our might, but by His spirit".  That's a BIG lesson I've had to learn the hard way, still learning actually.  We have to willingly give up the wheel because He won't force us to do so.  He also likes to be able to use our lives as testimonies.  I heard Jay-Z say the other day that he has learned so much from failure, but he was still trying to figure out how to learn from success.  I think it's so true that we learn so much from our tests and trials, not when things are going great.  So, even though it is difficult at times, I try to do two things:  Let my life be a living testimony to the goodness, grace, and mercy of God & learn from the times where I failed, stumbled, struggled, or didn't even try.  I hope that's what He's asking of me.  I think it is.  I think it's what He's asking of all of us.  Pray for me in the times when I stumble through it all, as well as the times when it looked like I got it right.  Be blessed.

The Twins are 2

Yesterday was Kennedy & Kadence's birthdays.  They turned 2!!!!!  In some ways it feels like we've been together way longer than two years, but in other ways I know that time is whizzing by.  And oh, what a difference a year makes!  This time last year, we gave both babies the traditional first birthday individual cake for them to play in and make a mess with.  But last year, developmentally, Kennedy was unable to do that.  She was not even eating food yet.  Oh, but this year, we got what we asked for!  She made the biggest mess with just 1 cupcake and some of it even got in her mouth. It was the most adorable mess we've ever seen. She had a great time with it.

Kadence on the other hand is advanced for his age and is already well into his "Terrible Twos" early!  He is now refusing to smile for cameras, so we have to tickle him and trick him to get him to smile.  Here is the end result of that.   That boy is such a stinker!

Funny how time flies isn't it?  I still remember very clearly finding out I was pregnant with twins, being considered a high-risk pregnancy and being put on bed rest, then having the twins at 37 weeks.   It was all a very, very difficult time.  Kennedy spent 3 weeks in the NICU and I was devastated to have to go home without her. We didn't know what was going on with her then, we just knew that every day when we would go visit her, the NICU doctor would tell us about something else they had found "wrong" with her.  I can remember being in the room where they did my C-section and getting to see Kadence right away.  But, when I asked to see Kennedy, all the professionals in the room would get eerily quiet.  The kind of silence that gave me chills.  All the nurses got busy on Kennedy right away as soon as she was born and I didn't even get to hold her until the end of the day.  I can remember feeling like I was watching the scene from floating above my bed.  I knew I had come in with two babies, but I wasn't sure if I was going to get to keep two.  They reassured me several times from my paralyzed (from the waist down) state on the operating table that Kennedy was alright.  "Then, why can't I hold her?  Why can't I see her?"  No one gave me answers.  It's the same feeling I got when the professionals came from Nashville to do my ultrasounds once a month.  You knew there were things they weren't saying. Things they were saying once you left the room.  But, alas, both babies were born whole, and born beautiful I might add.  And I get to keep them both.

KadenceKennedy



We are very very blessed to have come this far.  God touches our lives each and every day.  My life has not been the same since these two were born.  I am a much more thankful and thoughtful person.  I don't have time to slow down and complain about things.  No time for big pity parties (though sometimes I admit, I throw mini ones).  Small gestures go a long way.  And staying close to good friends and family is crucial.  God bless you all!  Happy Birthday Kadence & Kennedy!

Charity

Don’t really know what I’m going to write about today.  Not that my life hasn’t been eventful, it’s just a matter of choosing which events to write about.  Right now, 3 of the 4 kids are under the weather.  Christopher has the flu, Destiny has an ear infection, and Kennedy’s just feeling yucky.  Half the time we don’t really know what’s wrong with her, but we definitely know when she’s not feeling well.  We will be so grateful when she can actually communicate with us and tell us what is hurting her.  Right now we get lots of whining and lots of crying, especially in the middle of the night, when she’s not feeling well.  It’s a guessing game that requires us to cooperate in ways we never imagined.

BTW, Kennedy's surgery went great.  The doctor said that once he “got in there”, the tethering was minor.  The doctors and staff at the hospital were great.  We only had once nurse that didn’t get it, but overall, it was fine. She is recovering well.  Kennedy update:  Her tethered cord release went well.  She was supposed to get tubes in her ears a few weeks ago, but was not feeling well enough for surgery.  She does not get to see her cleft palate doctor until April, which we’re pretty annoyed about since we’ve BEEN ready for the palate to be repaired!  We’re praying that it’s all in God’s timing though.

On a personal note, I am feeling so spiritually full and encouraged!  We have been going through a bit of a revival of sorts at our church lately.  God has been doing awesome things!  I keep getting confirmation after confirmation of His love for me.  I don’t take any of it for granted.  I’m so thankful for the people that He’s placed in our lives.  I read this quote by Maya Angelou:  To be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings.  That said a mouthful for me!  Her writing was discussing the difference between philanthropy and charity.  She discussed how philanthropy usually comes in the form of gifts and/or money, but charity can come in all forms.  How it does come in all forms for our family!  From the kind word, to the heartfelt smile, to the offer for babysitting, and even money!  I just pray that I am able to be as charitable, or more, to others as others have been to me.  We know from the Bible that the root of charity is love.  “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity.” –I Corinthians 13:13

Holiday Pictures

 One of the pics from our Christmas card.

 Christmas Eve they got to open their Christmas jammies

 Happy 7th birthday to Christopher whose stuck with a December birthday.

 This is my beautiful family (minus 1 nephew).  The two in the middle are my parents.

 This is my sister and nephew.  Thank God for them!

 Kennie Bug

 Kadence and his mischevious look. Better believe he's plotting something.