Monday, August 30, 2010

New Blog

I have moved from Wordpress to Blogger.  Not that I didn't like Wordpress, but Blogger is easier to understand, cuter, and easier to connect with people.  So, I'm here.  I love pictures, so I'll be adding those frequently!


So, anyone that knows me knows that I have 4 kids. Chris is 6, Destiny is 3 and the twins, Kadence and Kennedy are 1. Pretty much all of my life, I thought that I was only going to have 2 kids. After Destiny, since I had a boy and a girl already, I didn't want anymore kids. I actually had an appointment to get an IUD when I found out I was pregnant with twins.

The day I took the pregnancy test for the twins, I didn't really expect that I was pregnant. My then boyfriend, now husband, had a hunch and really encouraged me to take it. It was one of the tests where two lines are supposed to show. Well, on mine, only 1 line came up. The thing about it was that the line that came up was the 2nd line, not the 1st line. I was freakin out!!!! I thought for sure that this meant that I wasn't pregnant, but I wasn't sure. So, my boyfriend and I actually called the number on the box. I never knew that people actually did that, but I did. The guy on the phone pretty much confirmed that I was pregnant. He said, it doesn't matter what the 1st window shows, but if anything at all shows up in that 2nd window... Yeah. Pregnant.

After this news I was in major denial. I already had 2 kids out of wedlock, and I was not looking forward to a 3rd. I didn't know how to take the news, so I did nothing. I pretended as though the pregnancy test had not happened. I didn't go to the doctor, I didn't take vitamins, I didn't tell anyone, nothing. I acted as though nothing had happened until a girl at work had figured out I was pregnant after I threw up on the side of the road. She encouraged me to go to the doctor and gave me the name of her friend's doctor.

That 1st doctor's appointment, I thought the dr. was just going to confirm to me that I wasn't pregnant. After all, the pregnancy test was botched and the throwing up on the side of the road could have just been dismissed as nausea from the heat. Right? Anyway, the dr. instead confirmed that I was pregnant. Since I wasn't exactly sure of my due date, she gave me an ultrasound to check.

I will NEVER forget that 1st ultrasound. The ultrasound tech asked me how I felt about twins. I thought she was just making small talk and didn't really answer this seemingly rhetorical question, that is until she asked again. The ultrasound tech was telling me that she saw two fetuses. I told her that this was not possible because twins did not run in my family. She told me she'd check again, but that she was fairly certain of what she'd seen. I screamed on the inside and cried on the outside. Tears just trickled down my face. I was so upset by this news, that after the ultrasound the tech sent a doctor to talk to me and explain what it means to be pregnant with twins.

To the doctor, being pregnant with twins meant more appointments, more cautious caretaking, and lots of vitamins. For me, being pregnant with twins went much deeper. I was already a single mom of 2 with a full-time job. I knew I had no room, no time, for twins in my life. But, many appointments and 2 months of bedrest later, Kadence and Kennedy were born. They were immediately sent to the NICU for monitoring. Kadence, a healthy 6 lbs. and 14 oz. was released from the NICU within hours. Kennedy, a weaker 4 lbs. 3 oz. ended up spending her 1st 3 weeks of life in the NICU.

I remember those days as hectic and sad. I would like to think of those days as good times, but I'm just being honest. We had 4 kids, 1 of whom was in the hospital, and 1 vehicle between us. It has hard work getting to the hospital to see Kennedy. It seemed as though every time we went to visit Kennedy in the NICU the doctors were telling us about some new problem they'd found with her. She was born with a cleft palate and a heart murmur. The heart murmur on further review, ended up being 2 tiny holes in her heart. She also was not taking in nutrients as quickly as they would have liked and had to be fed through tubes. We also received a letter from the state saying that Kennedy's mandatory blood test after birth came up as positive in an unknown area. She had such a weak cry and weak muscle tone, but she was a doll. She was like a living doll that God had taken down right from heaven and placed in an incubator for us.

To this day, Kennedy has been in the hospital 7 times for various things. She is now on her 2nd set of ear tubes. She has had pneumonia, swine flu, strep throat, and various other illnesses. She is scheduled to have surgery on her spine to release nerves that have bunched up along her spinal cord. She receives physical therapy, occupational therapy, developmental intervention, and feeding therapy. The letter we received was followed up and concluded that Kennedy is missing a piece of her 18th chromosome. They call it 18q chromosome deletion. Because Kennedy's condition is so rare, the doctors don't really know what to expect with her. They simply treat things as they arise. Even with all her illnesses and various conditions, Kennedy has taught me a great deal more than I could ever teach her. I used to hear people on tv say that and never knew what it meant until now. She is the sweetest baby I have ever known. She teaches me patience and humility in ways I had not known. She is truly our angel!

Our life continues to be hectic, but it is filled with joy. God blesses us immeasurably on a daily basis. He shows us his favor and love and keeps us all going. Just when we start to get weak, he fills our tanks and lets us press on. He continues to abundantly exceed anything we can ask or think. We know that Kennedy's life will be a testimony that our family will be able to share with others.

Are we all Judgmental

(Originally posted on 06-14-10)  Life is crazy. I'm learning more and more about myself as the years go on. You would think that by 30 one would have something figured out. But, no. Am I changing? Are my opinions changing? Or am I just beginning to learn the real me? It's a mystery.

One thing that I learned in one of my psych classes that always stuck with me was the fact that in times of stress we tend to judge ourselves by external factors, while we judge others by internal qualities. For example, if a person is late for a meeting or doesn't contribute to a project, we think of that person as lazy or irresponsible. But, if we're late for a meeting or do less than our part, we are quicker to say that it was the traffic, or home stress, etc. That's interesting to me. I've thought long and hard about this for some time. I hope that just by being aware of this fact it makes me less judgmental, but probably not. I think that this is just one of our coping mechanisms. Because if we truly knew how selfish, uncaring, or inconsiderate we could be, it would be a total overload to our systems. So we continue to pass incorrect judgment where it does not belong and think highly of ourselves when we do not deserve it. I am beginning to learn that this is a part of life. Selah.


(Originally posted on 06-10-10)  Ok, so I watched this documentary this morning called "Prom in Mississippi". I actually cried watching it. It made me so sad. It was about a high school in Mississippi that wanted to have 2 proms, a white prom and a mixed prom. Several of the students there wanted to have at least 1 prom that the black students couldn't attend. The black students and their parents were told that if they attended this prom the police would be called, not that any of the black kids wanted to attend anyway.

So, if you're like me you would think that this documentary was filmed back in the 70's or maybe even the early 80's. But, no, it was actually filmed in 2008. 2008! To me this is a time when the views of a minority actually affected the majority. And, to add fuel to fire, it was mainly the parents that wanted the segregation. First of all, what type of high school administration would allow this to happen? I was really appalled at the level of accepted racism in that town. It was like every one knew that the whites were racist, and that's just the way it was. One girl even talked about not being able to get a job at a few places in town because she had black friends. Maybe the administration didn't allow it and the parents just paid for a separate building and separate prom. Maybe, hopefully, I have this part wrong. Parents and students both gave interviews talking about the racism they were taught as a kid. Sad. Racism is just allowed to perpetuate from generation to generation. But, I thought it was strange that none of the parents who put on the "White Prom" would do a camera interview. They had a parent meeting that they wouldn't allow cameras to show and then they threatened to call the police if any cameras showed up at their "White Prom". Seems to me that if you're bold enough to exclude an entire group of people based solely on their race, then you should be bold enough to let those people know who you are. How cowardly of you to be a racist behind closed doors!

The bright spot in the movie was the 1 interracial couple of the whole high school. They were really worried about going to prom together and being seen together. They talked about the fact that they have to be very careful if they're ever seen out in public. They don't hold hands or hug in public or around their own school. Then just when you, the viewer, starts to think, Why don't they just let this relationship go? you really get it. You really get that they're in love and to them being with that person is worth the stares, the dirty looks, and the threats. Instead of those parents focusing on who's going to what prom, perhaps they would benefit from focusing on a couple who could teach a thing or two about love.


(Originally posted on 06-09-10) I guess it's official. I am officially blogging. I can't believe it, because I am not much of a writer, but I do enjoy reading and I consider writing to be a form of release. I can't imagine that anyone would actually follow my blog or anything, but maybe I can connect with other people. I considered writing a blog when I thought about all I have to say and how little I actually say. 2010 is up and buzzing, I just hope I can keep up!

Friday, August 27, 2010


Hello All!  I have just moved over from so bear with me.  I am changing my page slowly but surely.